I am pretty much the perfect IKEA customer. I have the basic Scandinavian design aesthetic. I change my mind a lot (and also have a little cheap streak) so I just can’t be convinced of the need to spend gazillions of dollars on furniture.

So I know my way around an Allen wrench. I have put together so many Billy bookcases that I could do it in my sleep.

But now IKEA is offering customers a chance to spend the night. In the store. For free.

Tusen takk, but no thanks.

(“Uff da” is just one of those untranslatable expressions. Think “Oy, vey” with a Nordic accent and you’ll be close.)